Looking Ahead...

headphones://Breathe (Hi-Bias Radio Mix) - Michelle Branch

Tonight I saw Shrek 2 with Minako. It's a great movie, very funny - I even think the humor is geared more towards adults than kids. I was so engrossed and that's what I love about a good movie. Its ability to completely transport you to another world where you forget about real life...even just for a couple of hours.

Afterwards I dropped her at her car at Garden City. We spoke in depth about my move to Canada, as we had been discussing it earlier throughout the night. I told her of my two major fears. Ending up with no job, no money and no friends. I fear this kind of failure. My lax attitude towards money, the spending of it and my lack of motivation are key factors in this kind of outcome. Secondly, is this the right thing for me to do? Should I be staying in Australia, focussing on establishing a career and setting myself up?

She told me that my fears were completely understandable, she had felt them herself when she left home for the first time. Just hearing that made me feel a whole lot better. I have a habit of focussing on the negative and nothing else, dramatizing and exagerrating, and that's what I've been doing. I don't acknowledge the possibility that this move could turn out to be the best thing I've ever done. The fact is this experience is going to broaden my horizons beyond my imagination. I am going to change, no matter how big or small that change is. As much as I fear change, I know deep down I yearn for it and I need it in order to grow. Even if I come home 3 months later, 6 months later (and it's unlikely that I will), I will at least have given it a go. What harm is there in that?

So now I am excited again, just as I was six months ago when the idea of travel first appeared in my mind. It's an amazing excitement that makes me feel energized and capable of anything, and I have to hold onto it. I need to keep reminding myself of all the great things ahead. Just the simple idea of buying that plane ticket, packing my gear, stepping onto that plane. And then being in a totally new country. A new sky, new culture, new people, new buildings and new history. Just the idea of going to a convenience store and doing something as inane as buying candy makes me excited.

As much as I wish these next six months would fly past, I know I should slow down and take the opportunity to appreciate things as they are. This chapter in my life is coming to a close, and that knowledge is bittersweet. I wont be coming back here, to this person I know.