Down, down, down we go..

headphones://My Need - Janet Jackson

These last couple of days I've been cruising at an unusually high altitude. Happy, rather happy, daresay happier than I have been in months. And then CRASH! BANG! Down in the pits. Not just kinda unhappy, but rather unhappy. The unmotivated, nothing-to-look-forward to brand of unhappy. For a little while I couldn't quite figure it out. I spent 20 minutes in the shower trying to put my finger on it. Did this just jump up and slap me in the face? Where did it come from? Why?

I realized it's because my hours were cut at work. It sucks. Because everything was going swimmingly, planning, about to book airfares, I have my passports. The countdown has begun in earnest, with about ten weeks to go. But now this little stumbling block has appeared and for me, it's not good. Not for me, he who worries about every little red cent. Not when I have bills coming up, this darn trip to Sydney, a wedding present to buy and credit cards to pay off.

I suppose really, I shouldn't stress too much. If I don't make this particular week's budget, it's nowhere near the end of the world, nor is it a real big spanner in my works. And no doubt I can pick up a few extra hours. Maybe I even have extra hours in other departments. I worry way too much. Particularly about money. Thanks be to Dad, ugly inheritance.

Another little spanner hanging around is Minako. I've been expecting her to let me know of her plans RE Japan but she still hasn't and if she doesn't, well I'll have to go and book without her. Speaking of unreliability and associated bad traits, I've come to realize there are a number of people in my life who don't have any real positive impact on me, I wouldn't go so far as to say they're dragging me down.. But they can't be good to have around. Minako is one of them. The friendship seems to be totally one-sided, with me showing all the interest and initiative. Then there's Robert who probably deep down believes me and him are tight but in reality? No. When I'm around him it's never a positive experience. He's way too full on and irritating, he just drags my mood down. I don't have fun with him. Always, by the end of the day I'm asking why the funk am I hanging out with him? Then there was Michael who I thought was generally a good person but does he have ulterior motives? I hate that. Why do people have to be like that? I feel all he does is use me for transport or just as someone to kick it with if there's nobody else. Sure I have fun, and is that the main thing? Not when he's only there when he wants to be. When it's convenient for him. A convenient friendship.

So I've cut him out of my life, and it wasn't a big deal. Robert? I doubt I'll have anything more to do with him. I can't believe how much he irritates me. Minako? I don't care anymore. I'll let her make the next move, the ball is in her court. I think part of her problem is cultural upbringing. The Japanese are known to not be able to say anything direct, they have to beat around the bush and be subtle and polite. Which, as much as I love the culture, is complete bullshit. Give me honesty and directness any day.

Not a happy camper in these parts. I have next weekend to look forward to, God's Kitchen. Get totally wrecked. I hope it's a great night but I woke up this morning not even excited about it. Perhaps it really has been too long in Brisbane. I've been so eager for so long for this chapter in my life to be over and it's still dragging on like a bitch that just wont give up...